He had said he was tired… but… I didn't know what that meant.
Vivi could only stand in silence.
I didn't know that he was going to…
Garland lay, holding tightly to Mr. 44's arm.
He was going to… Stop…
The old fear rose up about him. Vivi thought he had learned what to do when he was afraid like this.
But I've never actually seen anyone… stop … before…
Garland did not cry. He simply sat there, staring up at the lifeless shadow that draped beneath the brim of the big Mage's hat.
Mr. 44… we.. were just talking today. He was fine.. Except he said he was tired… I didn’t know anything was wrong. I didn't know…
Garland just stared. As if he was waiting for Mr. 44 to wake up, laugh, and tell them it was all just a joke.
I'm… scared…
Vivi felt himself shift backwards a step. He needed to get away from the feeling. He didn't want to look at Mr. 44 anymore. He didn't want to remember his friend like that. He wanted to remember him like he was earlier that day.
The little Mage felt his hands trembling, and he suddenly dashed from the room, outside to the waiting darkness. He thought he heard Mikoto calling after him. But he did not stop. Vivi was glad it was dark out, and that no other Mages were around. He didn't want anyone to see him running. He didn't want anyone else to feel like he did right now.
I thought… I understood this… I thought… I was okay… why.. do I feel like this now? Why am I still so scared?
When he finished running, he found himself on the far side of the chocobo pen where the stacks of straw were scattered in large mounds. Vivi felt the questioning eyes of Bobby Corwin on him as he darted by, tripping head-first into a pile of dried grass.
I'm so… confused!
Suddenly he wasn't scared anymore.. he was angry. Very very angry.
Why? Why? Why?
He balled his fists in frustration, little body shaking in rage.
Why? Why? Why?
He punched at the mound of straw. It was something he had seen Zidane do once… except Zidane had done it to a wall. Zidane had called it "taking out your frustrations".
Zidane had said it was okay to do that..
It's better to hit something than someone!
That's what Zidane had said.
Vivi punched the mound of straw again. It wasn't as soft as it looked like it would be. He must have hit it pretty hard because his hand began to hurt.
Bobby Corwin watched the assault curiously from the other side of the fence.
"Gahhh!" Vivi struck at the pile again, straw scattering in all directions from his swing. His hand was really hurting now, but he didn't care.
I want to know why!
He fought back the heated tears that threatened to come. He shouldn't cry. All the other Mages looked up to him. He shouldn't be so confused. He should know what to do.
"W-What would Zidane do? What would he say if he were here?"
Vivi looked to where the chocobo stood calmly. Bobby Corwin ruffled his feathers but said nothing.
Nothing..
Vivi blinked up slowly.
Zidane'd say nothing. And let me figure it out for myself.
The chocobo bent his head to nuzzle the little Black Mage. Hands still trembling slightly, Vivi began to stroke the bird's soft feathers. Somehow that made him feel better. Only a little, though.
"Vivi?"
Mikoto's voice startled him. He turned to see her make her way slowly through the field.
"Are you okay, Vivi?"
There was a sound to her tone. Something he had never heard there before.
The girl stopped in front of him. He could see her hands shaking too. Somehow seeing her so frightened brought him an inner calmness.
I have to be strong for them. Just like Zidane was for me.
"I-I.. I'm okay." He said finally, walking towards her. "How are y-you?"
Mikoto suddenly dropped to her knees in the tall grass, her tail wrapping about her legs as if to protect her. "I.. do not know. I feel.. strange."
"Strange? What sort of strange?"
Her blue eyes reflected the moonlight. "Like… something has gone away that I can never get back. A missing piece. Like a hole. Here." She folded her hands over her chest. Over her heart. "I… do not understand.."
The little Mage knelt by her side.
"Mr. 44 told me he was tired." Vivi said. "Um… Do you remember?"
"Yes. I remember hearing him say such." She was wrapping a strand of grass around her little finger.
"I-I.. think he knew… He knew he was about to stop."
Mikoto said nothing.
"Because he told me to try and h-help Garland." A cold breeze began to tug at the brim of his hat. "He wanted to make sure someone would take care of Garland when he was g-gone. He really liked Garland a lot. I t-told him I would…"
If anyone is sad right now, it's Garland… He's just lost his very best friend. Maybe the only friend the thought he had.
Vivi pushed himself to stand.
And we left him there all alone… I bet.. he's scared too. I promised I'd help Garland…
Mikoto also got to her feet. She looked at him and asked, "Why do you have grass all over you, Vivi?"
"Because.. um.. I felt sad and I was trying to feel better."
"Oh." She seemed confused, but he couldn't explain it any better.
Vivi gave Bobby Corwin one last pat on the head then dusted himself off. Straw was very sticky.
"Where are you going?" She was asking a lot of questions. That's how he knew she was really upset.
"Back to Garland. He needs someone to be with right now."
Mikoto nodded slowly. "So do I."
"M-me too." Vivi agreed.
Vivi turned away from the moonlight. Mikoto followed him back towards the shadows of the village.